Dissapointment

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[I wanted to tell a story… A story of recent happenings… A story which Kayu refer to as the story of “drag me to HELL”. A story which everyone wanted to know but all refused to speak out. A story tat gonna cause many people to lost many things…
It’s been a long time since I last tell a story here. Ok, here goes:
After taking the AK back to UTM. Everyone is very anxious to meet with the juniors. As reported, we are going to have 45 juniors…. WOW~~ cool~!! Then start with the orientation… which I gonna skip the details since this wont interest anyone.
Things began to look ugly during KK sports. It’s been like hell difficult for Kim to set the time coz he need to coordinate the time with the juniors as well as the seniors. N to add burden, the timetable for the 2parties is totally different…. N juz a night b4 the “planned” futsal event, Kim being told that juniors gonna hve class on that night. Everything hve to be called off… N this began to pissed the seniors out… Postponed or Canceled?? We wished it was the former… BUT is seems so hard to set the time with the SUKAM thing n night classes….
Then it was about KK sports again…. The badminton thing… Everyone admit that it’s a chaos… Even b4 the event, the seniors complained that the coordination with the seniors were not done properly. Who to blame?? The person in charge or the publicity? Or Both parties?? During the event, another happenings strike again… This time was the official in charge at the stadium…. He claimed that we are not allow to do tournament inside without permission. This time, Joseph n Kim Guan stepped out to help up… which let him allow us to continue “playing” in the stadium. (sincerely thank them for helping out) But after this, we cant take out the schedule out openly to check who will face who in the next round n so on de…. Tat’s y suggestion being made n a very sudden one is to let Kim take pic of the list n others help to go find ppl who will b playing next…. N of coz, tis at the eyes of the seniors n juniors are chaos… N lack of management….
At the same night, I was told that a senior was extremely MAD at us. From his side of the story. He was told that he can join the KK trip to KUKUP. At first he hesitate n don really wanna to join. Then after much persuade, he deicided to follow… But soon after that, he was told tat seniors are not allow to follow…. He felt being fooled… After helping so much with SKK things n this is wat he got in return….. N he wanted to take revenge…. N the most direct way is the t-shirt thing…. He can make a new design n fight with the one we having at the moment….. From the other corner…. Bside Mr Y, other seniors also show interest with the trip… esp the 3rd yr…. This is also the reason y at the end decision was made that no seniors will be invited… Only 1SKK n 2SKK going….
Then, we’d been called to a sudden meeting with 4th yr and 3rd yr…. In which the 3rd yr seniors claimed it was the first time ever in KK to gather all 2nd yr n 3rd yr… N as expected… Multiple cast from them especially on the management thing n relationship among 2SKK n being too linear to the juniors…. N one thing really pissed me off during the meeting is tat the 3rd yr senior now claimed tat interest of joining the trip is juz say-say… Not serious thing… @#$%@~~ WOW~!! Damage had been made n u now claiming this?? Honestly speaking, after this meeting, I personally tried to avoid most of the 3rd yr seniors…. I can choose to wear a mask n greet them.. But I cant do it… B4 this events, I greeted them really as a respect to them n also as fren… BUT now…. I don’t know….. too many things had happened…. This reminds me of the words once a junior said, “We juz a few yrs of ages different… cant we be juz fren.. rather than all the senior-junior thing??”…
Things began to get complicated after I have a talk with Mr. Y… I admit that he helped us a lot… lending his car to us…. Giving advise for the t-shirt thing… From the talk, he somehow “agreed” not to fight over the t-shirt market…. N commented on the management problem n oso the relationship thing…… Bside he’s asking sth back to show that we really appreciate his help…. o.O~~?? Wat he wants actually? Nobody knows…. $$?? Fame?? Everyone thinking the different thing…. N the nearest thing we can think of is the KK nite…. Inviting him to the nite wont be a big deal isn’t it?? But is this really what he wants??
After the “talk” I tried to claim to others that things had been solved…. Which is a lie…. So that ppl wont get the wrong concept of him esp those really close to him….. But what I don know is that Mr. Y actually gave a time limit to someone…. A dateline to show the appreciation… If not, things will be done… N a clear cut line will be drawn…. N they actually decided to go n say sorry to him so that this will not happen… N dragging me into the “sorry-team” as well…. Hmm… o.O??? N it’s still ok for me if this is for the sake of them n him… so that no cut line will be drawn… But deep in my mind, I wonder…. Is this true?? Is this the man I know…. We mistreated him is a thing… His relationship with other is another thing… Not related….~~!! N why I was been told tat these 2 are related??? THIS IS TWO DIFFERENT THING…. VERY DIFFERENT~!!!!!!!!!!
N speaking of the design…. KC actually do most of the job…. Mr Y did give useful tips n advices…. Which we are very grateful….. BUT I juz wanna claim sth is that we also put in much effort in it…..
Then tis morning, a fren approached me…. A sudden approach from tat fren… Juz a simple words… Which made me realized tat all this while, I’d been tolerate all this while… gve a step back… a step back… another n another… Until a point that I can feel my feet on the edge… On the edge of losing dignity…. I’d been very rendahkan diri when talking to Mr Y… It’s so sad tat a person that u respect so much acting like tis…. Acting like he wanna take revenge… Chasing after you…. As if trying to make u insane…..
In the same day, another person approached me…. N from the short conversation… he/she made me thinks that the situation is not as simple as u think…. Not only Mr Y, but 3rd yr, 4th yr and even PhD yr cant bare to look at the situation? What situation?? The management?? The relationship??? N again, I got a VERY BLUR answer…. Like all the seniors n Mr Y… drawing the complains out but actually cant understand wat they tried to point out…. N yet he/she hoping I can settle all this chaos….. o.O?? again~~~
I CANT BARE ALL THESE ANYMORE~~!! TAT’S WHY I HAD MADE OUT MY MIND…. I M STEPPING OUT OF THIS CHRONIC SITUATION…. I wont be involving myself too much in KK things anymore….. The shirt thing… the KK nite will hve another ppl taking over…. I’d been thinking all this while…. N actually decided to calm down n fix the problems a few days ago…. BUT again n again n again…. Pressure from Mr Y…. Pressure from the seniors…… I cant take this anymore… U can called me coward or whatsoever…. It’s juz tat I had so limited of time for all this thing…. Academic thing is the main aim for students isn’t it~!! N esp when ur grade r dropping n dropping until a situation tat u can feel the pressure from all sort of pihak…… Now I wanted to focus on one thing only~!! Academic~!!!!!!! Other thing, set aside…. But still, if being called, I will still join in KK activities…. BUT I wont get too involved…
After this, I hope I will still treat everyone the same… But if you chose not to HIU me anymore… Then let it be…. I cant bare all this anymore~!!! It’s been so childish to be involve in all these nonsense… N it’s not good to have the feeling that everyone is BULLYing you… n the thing u represent…. Who do you thing you are?? A GOD??? Tat everyone need to tolerate with you?? Like Wat Affendi said… pure BS~!!!
If you are not in the system, You WONT actually understand what is happening inside the system…. You have the right to comment on the system n it’s true for you to claim you as the observer have a better view of the problems inside the system…. BUT if you not doing any help to the system than juz creating more n more problems to the system… Then better keep your mouth shut~!!!!!!
I know that there is some seniors who really care for us… N I know tat by posting this up will disappointed them….. BUT I juz cant take all these rubbish anymore…. I’d been tolerate to everyone… Try to think things from their point of view… Putting myself in their shoes…. BUT who’s the one to be in my situation to think for me???? Everyone is telling me the different version of the story… N my brain wanna explode to analyze whose story is true, who’s not………… Seriously, this world is all about urself~~!!! N I need to think in this way~~~!!! I m sorry for those who really care…..
我忍很久了….. 是看我好欺负吗??? 我受够了~!!! 你们一直讲有问题有问题….. 可是又不讲明问题所在…. 这样算什么????~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 他妈的~!!! 一切都是废~!!!!!!!!! 这一切的一切都是笑话~!!!! 超幼稚的~!!! 像星全那样多么好…. 自身事外….. 自由自在的….]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]This is all writen by MICHAEL.... as he claim he is the victim.....my version of the story is as below

Hahahaha, no need to guess, i am Mr.Y..... omg u are so damn good at writing this whole story in such a way that u are the good guy... gosh what talent u have....... Why not i tell the version of my story! so to whoever read it will have a better judgementI start of with my clothe issues first before i go into the way they all do things..... I started of with the T-shirt project, selling shirt for the reason to show that we from FKKKSA are one and there is a shirt to represent us.... by the end of the project i still left over with 30 clothe which i plan to sell it next year when the new juniors come in..... But thinking back i had been a fool for making this decision.... Peng Yen approached me and told me that he want to sell the shirt also so that he will be able to raise fund for his seniors so that their events could be cheaper....... i was very close with them, infact i treat them as best friends... 4SKK and also 2SKK... people always talk bad about them, i will defend, 4th year senior said about 2nd year i was "ask" to move away because they know i am sided with 2skk.... So when peng yen told me i thought since its only 30 shirt maybe they could use it as promotion for the next year i didnt think of the money i said maybe u buy for RM50 and i even say i might just give u for free.... Am i that selfish and greedy? Up to you to decide.... this sentence can be prove by several people.... and now, i shall enter the main topic.....

Why do i keep helping them so much that i end up hurting myself? Y? maybe that is Y they call me Mr.Y or perhaps... Y for Y Shin.... Management, what is the reason for this whole event? for this whole KK events? What? Unity? Get to know each other? OR POLITICS? OR TRYING TO MANIPULATE EVERYONE AROUND YOU? OR TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYONE AROUND YOU? YOU THINK THAT UNIVERSITY IS A BATTLE FIELD FOR YOU TO SHOW HOW CUNNING YOU ARE? This is a event where all you them should get to know each other and understand one another... dictator behaviours should be put aside... listening to other's opinion and allow arguement in a constructive way....

So talking about their management, let me quote a few sentences1."Why are u being such a busy body caring about other people's department? Do your own work and dun give comments"
2."Who have issue with our manegement... *5 min later... if there is nobody, then i never want to hear anyone talk about how we do our planning and our management"
Is this how a meeting where people are suppose to understand each other be conducted? You must be joking me.....

About KK sport, i had talk to the person who involve and did the planning.... was he wrong? i dun think so.... i still blame it on the management..... Did they discuss this issue before hand? did they survey if the complex will be used? did they plan for plan B? NO their decision is all last min... and they blame in on people falling sick.... they got 28 people running this society, at most i give u 10 sick people... another 18 couldnt complete the job? WANNA KNOW Y? cause they said before.... U NOT THIS DEPARTMENT U KEEP QUIET.... so sickness is totally not a reason for your incompetency to run a program.... All the sudden events is not my fault.... totally not my fault... who expected it? If its a big event by UTM, earlier survey would had solve this issue...... BUT NO CAUSE THEY SICK LOL.... joke... i dun wanna continue with this issue anymore.... let go to my issue and my negotiation with MICHAEL....My ex-gf invited me to the trip.... i really wanted to go because i want to be with her.... but i am worry i am not invited so i told her i dun want to go.... she told me its ok she had ask the people incharge and most of them say ITS OK, you may go! but as i rescheduled my plans... they tell me sorry u cant go... but i just found out i was not the only person who is fooled..... according to other, a few of them initially had been invited as well... because they first say their bus should had enuff space... so lets all go.... but suddenly they notice that there is too many ppl going so they broke their promise and said NO.... what management is this? Planning? last min planning is known as planning? ahhahahah

So i came out with a plan... i had lost everything my dignity and pride.... y dignity and pride that is another issue....Juniors dislike seniors i was constantly told... my ex told me they hated their seniors because they are demanding and they like to comment alot on how they do things... so they end up hating their senior... MICHAEL told me... they are at a very pity position because their senior didnt initiate and come to help them... Seniors, juniors relationship... i always say , y so much of this relationship , y not all be friends.... Frankly this is a trend that cant be change... during some situation , yes friends but when it come to certain things the respect for senior must be there.... We seniors are also human... there wasnt a bond which say WE MUST HELP YOU.... but what would the junior say if WE as SENIOR DID NOT HELP? "OMG I HAVE A LOUSY SENIOR" ... so what we want in return is not anything much... just a sense of respect to show us gratitude...

But for my case, i totally ignore that barrier... i told them we are friend, need help find me.... When i see them around, i said hi to them first... i throw away my pride and approach them because wat i wanted is true friendship but sadly, all they think was to exploit me.... were they sincere... even when he typed, yes Mr.Y had helped us a lot... but yet they make me the sacrifice..... SINCERITY, FRIENDS.... DISSAPOINTMENT
CONVERSATION BETWEEN ME AND MICHAEL REGARDING THE T-SHIRT:
Michael: So what is that that you want....
Wai Shin: Is up to you all to decide
Michael: Well we know you are angry and very upset for u been helping us a lot and we udnerstand your position that you are unhappy and wanted Revenge...
Wai Shin: Therefore, what u had in mind to help me release this anger
Michael: The T-shirt, what do u mean when u want to take it back?
Wai Shin:Means i will be designing my own, and sell it and challenge you
Michael: I THINK THIS IS UNFAIR TOWARD ME, YOUR ISSUE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DEPARTMENT, IT WAS OTHER DEPARTMENT WHO MAKE THE DECISION, I AM INNOCENT
*WAI SHIN's MIND (Y didnt u guys discuss everything over? and y such selfish statement... isnt u guys suppose to be a course, their problem is your problem and your problem is their problem?)
Michael: Y do you want to do so, u have so many things to do... NACES, PSM u must be very busy...
Wai Shin: I had done most of it
Michael: then i have nothing to say... Is there anything else i can do for u in return?
Wai Shin: Well i didnt intend to actually take this project away from you, infact i call you today to tell u that what ever u had been designing is not according to the standard and the colour coding need to be change
Michael: OH! *Discussion about the shirt and also the marketting.... which i estimate they can earn up to 3-4k... Michael: I knew it that you will not be so cruel to us.. to take it back
Wai Shin: Well but i do wish something in return to show gratitude... to show that i am important or to show appreciation
Michael: what you had in mind?
Wai Shin: i really dunno, but maybe an invitation to KK night and i dun have to pay for it?Michael: We will discuss about it
That was our discussion.... Well being me, i dun like to drag things for long... so i told them toe make it this friday that u all will decide what is it to give me...(IS THIS REQUEST TOO MUCH)? 3-4k.... Lets talk about money....3-4k or lousy friends? 3-4k or lousy friend.... frankly i choose friend because i already say i giving back to him to do... even when i know his tone when he was negotiating with me isnt sincere... HE was just concern about his own department.... And infact, my real intention wasnt so... not as stated... only a few who i really talk to understand my real situation...and my real reason... sadly even my own gf doesnt understand... He told me he understand my situation, but from the way he wrote his blog... i dun think he does....

And y so childish write all this in the blog? and y i also be so childish and write all this? Well what i really hope is that.... Could you all Please STOP the politics in 2SKK? Y want to dominate Y want to scold ppl and prevent others from talking during meeting? You guys are suppose to be in harmony to discuss everything over... NOT FIGHT LIKE THAT... IS AN EYE SORE TO ME.... Y I SO BUSY BODY? BECAUSE THE PERSON I LOVE IS INSIDE THIS MESS CREATE MY YOU ALL!

HELP-UNDERSTANDING

HELP, WHEN PPL ASK FOR HELP, I HELP WHOLE HEARTEDLY BUT IT IS NEVER BEEN ACKNOWLEDGE............... so should i help... i think , teach, provide example... but it all go down the rain at the end of the day...... this is LIFE.... such unfairness but only such unfairness will happen to stupid people like me.... Whoever reading this, remember dun be generous... u wun gain anything.... the whole world is only thinking of themself.... never bout u... what is the point of helping people? WHAT?

UNDERSTANDING..... fuck i am too lazy to even type things about understanding people's behaviour

Screw it

OK that's it... i felt stupid posting this ... totally stupid....................................................................................................................................................
complaining to nobody, just a blog...

Alone

You know the feeling of being alone? I tell u, it sucks...... I shouldnt had let my guard down.... i shouldnt had.... i am closing myself in now... there is no point in doing the things i am doing right now... since i am just a tool use by people......... i had done my studies, i had understand how people is... who could i trust.... nobody ...exactly NOBODY at all...... and a moment ago someone just came by and wanted to borrow my car... HAHAHAHA so damn funny..... i acted all friendly and told him... its ok take my keys, just pass it to my gf when u came back as i will be off to camp.... AND yea passing to my gf equal to allowing those people using my car....

Untitled

... I had nobody to talk to about my problems lately... nobody at all that i have to resort to expressing it through my blog.... infact, i dun even know how to start..... all i feel like doing now is screaming everything out from my mind..... Y people like to say things they dun mean it? Y they like to absorb u in and say u are a group with them but when something important occurs, you are excluded? At this particular moment, i really want to be left alone, away from everyone .... even the person i love the most is somehow the same.... i cant take this anymore....

Dun say anything if u dun mean it........ cant u all think before you say anything.... i started off without giving a damn about it but now, because of your words i felt like i do belong with u guys but what the fuck?

All i want is a line which say i am me and u are u, but yet we are all great friends... i dun have any expectation at all... but yet u all keep saying that i should belong and i am what? 90% in your group? so if i am 90%, y when any important event occur i am out from it? that's ok, as long as it didnt directly hit me... everything is fine!!! i know my position that i am not with u guys..... so please keep your words to yourself....

But now its just worse, u all invite me and told me to go..... even my gf keep forcing me to go... but due to dignity i didnt really want to go.... and my gf was upset and angry for me making that decision.... we argue over it and she keep asking me to go...... i finally made up my mind that i will be going..... but an hour later after that...... i get a message stating that i am not invited and i could not go... ARE U PLAYING WITH ME? OR IS THIS JUST UR KINDA FUN? WHAT RUBBISH ARE U ALL UP TO?

Not only that.... i dunno is i am busy body or not.... but some of u guys just love to ask me for help... CAN I BORROW YOUR CAR? HEY THIS PROBLEM CAN YOU GIVE ME ADVICE AS U HAVE EXPERIENCE? COULD U THIS, COULD U THAT? BUT WHAT IS THAT FUCKING POINT OF BEING KIND? I DUN SEE ANYTHING IN RETURN... I SWEAR TO MYSELF THIS WILL BE THE END.... NO MORE!! I WILL LET MYSELF TO BE IN SUCH WEAK POSITION TO BE HURT BY MINDLESS PEOPLE.... FRIENDS, U CALL THIS FRIENDS? RUBBISH....

NACES

Right..... i will be representing UTM for a presentation competition at UMS for NACES 2009.... National Chemical Engineering Symposium also known as NACES. My group consist of me(of course), Melissa, Kevin and Joshua ...

Melissa the top female student of FKKKSA, a debater, swimmer... she is the goddess in our faculty LOL not to mention head of IEM UTM Student Chapter...

Kevin the top indian student of FKKKSA

Joshua a talented guy who is very good at talking!

And me... nothing special....

Right, so we will be doing on water crisis.... changing scarcity to abundance...... ok lazy the details i think not so appropriate to write here.......

Returning to UTM

Muahah... going back to UTM soon, yes i know a lot of people would complain and grumble to go back to uni but not me! i enjoy both my life here at PJ and UTM... my best friends here and there have different style but i love it either way! Not to mention i will be meeting up with Alice soon too.......

And yes i will be extremely busy for the 1st week in UTM... so many work piled up... well that is the only draw back, but i am gonna face it like a MAN!

So;
1. I need to reshuffle my timetable, i kinda screw it last semester when i register for subjects. And i am dragging one of the subject from my final sem to this sem but it clashes with one of my subject which then i need to discuss with the lecturer to shift the time to an hour earlier.

2. Internship report, not very sure how to write it and now is waiting for my friends to complete so i can copy hahaha... not really copy but just get the format and write my own.

3. NACES!! This is tough...... we have to summit the draft by 20th but we barely even begin on anything, i already set my target so i guess it could be a guideline and it could speed up the work.... Hope everything will be alright! And there will be meeting everyday from 13th to 20th.... shyt... and i am the way who set it that way LOL... oh well!

4. Final Year Project, well i kinda drag this to the front as well.... this sem suppose to do the proposal but i am going to do the experiment this sem. Which means i will have the results even before i summit my proposal. The problem here is that i am suppose to read up on this topic like really understand it last semester but i was too busy to do so, but i did do some research and most probably need another 1-2 weeks to fully understand the topic to begin the experiment.

5. The freshman! well, UTM has a tradition where the seniors will be responsible for the juniors. Each junior will be assign to one or two seniors or it could be the other way round or to an extreme case... 1 senior and 6 juniors or 6 seniors and 1 junior... that is what happen during my time, and we call them direct senior or direct junior... thus, i am currently in my 4th year which mean i will be meeting with my direct direct direct junior... well before introducing myself to them i will pretend to be one of them ehhehehe... just imagine all the bad thing i could come up with....

6. I gonna have a roommate this semester.... a 2nd year students well one of my best friend at UTM.... so i would be busy playing dota with him or any online games mauhahahah.....(yes enjoying myself is included in the list)

Yup, thats about it, 6 main things to do after i return to UTM..... stress :( (except number 5 and 6)